FaKebook Hara-kiri

Before you begin to read this article, There is one thing that you have to know about me; I am a HUGE Adult Swim fanatic. Some may even call me obsessed. I watch the whole line up; Family Guy, Robot Chicken, American Dad, etc. I go to sleep watching Adult Swim and I wake up to Adult Swim in the morning. Sometimes my tv watches me more than I watch it.

One of my favorite shows is The Boondocks. The plot revolves around the day to day adventures of a Black family as they struggle to maintain their ‘blackness’ while living in a predominately White neighborhood. 

One episode in particular focuses on Grandad (Robert Freeman) committing Facebook hara-kiri (ritualistic Japanese suicide) after a series of negative encounters with women. These women portrayed themselves as supermodels in their profile pictures and showed up to his home looking like wilderbeasts. Finally, Grandad decides that he has had enough and shuts down his Facebook account. Essentially, Grandad was being catfish before we even knew what catfishing was. It made for a hilariously funny and meaningful episode, but it also lead me to question the role that Facebook has played in my own life.

I can wholeheartedly relate to Grandad’s frustration. Many people portray themselves one way on Facebook, when in reality, they are someone completely different. Fakebook  Facebook timelines are always populated with exclusive parties, new babies, engagement rings, and pictures from exotic vacations. Everyone on Facebook is living better than you and guess what?!

I’m bitter! I hate you! I’m jealous! I want your life, your job, your cute ass baby, and your brand new car!!!!

I’m happy for you! 😀

I’m really not though. I’m suppressing screams of frustration and envy as we speak. You see, I really want to be happy when I see my friends doing well. I want to be happy when I see my friends getting married and having children, but all I feel is jealousy. I begin to compare my life to the next person’s and therein  lies the biggest problem with  Facebook; it gives you too much access to other people’s lives.

I get it. Fakebook  Facebook is a smoke and mirrors game. It only gives us a brief look into a very dynamic story. That couple who just got married may be in loads of debt trying to pay off their wedding. That new baby is keeping his parents awake while I sleep soundly. That engagement ring could be cubic zirconia. You can’t believe the hype. But there are people like me who do.

I’m a 28 year old cashier who still lives at home. I’m overweight and at times, socially awkward. I have a boyfriend, but our relationship is rocky at best. I went to college and graduated, but I have yet to find gainful employment. I was  already depressed about my life. Then someone comes on Facebook and throws their good news in my face. Yeah. I take it personally.

I dont mean to whine. I trust my audience enough to see beyond the surface and dig into the true meaning behind this blog. There is a definite link between my obsessive Facebook usage and my depression. Much like Grandad, I have allowed Facebook to deceive me. I have allowed Facebook to manipulate me into hating my body, questioning my relationship, and coveting the material possessions of my friends.

Fakebook Facebook got me fucked up bruh.

So…it is with great sadness that I have decided to commit Facebook Hara-Kiri. Please don’t cry for me. I’m going to a much better place…outside.


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