Looking for Happy

I went looking for happy
it was in my darkest hour
that happiness eluded me
I went looking for happy
at the bottom of a bottle
of dark brown liquor
that felt like poison when it
invaded my body
I went looking for happy
in a blunt I rolled
and smoked alone
far from the prying eyes of my accusers
I went looking for happy
in the bed of my lover
engulfed in a sea of wrinkled clothes
and crumpled linen
I cringed while he ravaged me
I went looking for happy
in the smile of an innocent child
oh to be carefree!
my childhood a golden relic
tarnished by shame and worry
how I long to be
innocent
free
optimistic
I went looking for happy
in my bank account
all I found were bills, debt, and depression
I went looking for happy
and I couldn’t find it.
I wonder where it is.
I wonder how it feels.
Is it real?
or just an illusion.
I went looking for happy
and realized
I may never find it…

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One thought on “Looking for Happy

  1. You’ll find it. It only comes from one place, within yourself. One way to look inside yourself is by looking into people eyes and do it like you’re looking for something. =~)

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