Looking for Happy

I went looking for happy
it was in my darkest hour
that happiness eluded me
I went looking for happy
at the bottom of a bottle
of dark brown liquor
that felt like poison when it
invaded my body
I went looking for happy
in a blunt I rolled
and smoked alone
far from the prying eyes of my accusers
I went looking for happy
in the bed of my lover
engulfed in a sea of wrinkled clothes
and crumpled linen
I cringed while he ravaged me
I went looking for happy
in the smile of an innocent child
oh to be carefree!
my childhood a golden relic
tarnished by shame and worry
how I long to be
innocent
free
optimistic
I went looking for happy
in my bank account
all I found were bills, debt, and depression
I went looking for happy
and I couldn’t find it.
I wonder where it is.
I wonder how it feels.
Is it real?
or just an illusion.
I went looking for happy
and realized
I may never find it…

A Journey to Happiness

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I’ve been thinking lately about the meaning of true happiness.  I have an iPad,  a nice phone,  and all the gadgets you can think of,  but I still feel so empty and lost. One day,  I woke up and I drove out to the park to watch the sunrise. I want to paint a pretty picture.  I want to put a pretty bow on this story and tell you guys how I instantly felt better about my life,  but that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is that I was struck by the majestic beauty of nature,  but snapping a few pics didn’t rectify the problems that I’ve experienced in my life.
This is apart of an ongoing photo series entitled ‘A Journey to Happiness’.  I intend to define what happiness means to me and present my findings in the form of photography and various narratives. I hope that you will enjoy the series and please feel free to share…